Forgiveness

Forgiving someone who has hurt you is really hard.

In my later college years some of my closest friends really really hurt me and it and it was very hard to immediately try and forgive them. They went from some of the most important people in my life to people who caused me some of the most heartbreak I've ever experienced. The affects of how our relationship's ended up unfolding still linger to this day. Eventually my mourning turned to dancing; but it was a long time coming. I felt like I was going through the 7 stages of grief: my hurt turned to sadness which turned to anger which turned to bitterness that faded a little over time until somethings triggered me that would make the memories flood back again. However, each wave has come back a little weaker and with a little less power. It's been a few years and a lot has changed but this whole entire situation forced me to grow and, honestly, toughen up. I really wish that it didn't happen but I am so so SO much stronger for it. I had to learn to let things go without feeling like I needed to undo what had happened. I had to learn not to place blame on myself. I had to learn how to navigate heartbreak. I had to learn to protect myself in my relationships. I had to learn that I'm stronger than I think.

Do you agree with the phrase "forgive and forget" or "forgive but don't forget"?

I used to resonate with the second version the most but I think now I've realized that in order for me to fully forgive someone that has really wronged me, I need to forget a little too. Maybe not forget exactly, but maybe let time soften the blow.

Life is crazy, hurt people hurt people, and while sometimes it might not be easy to forget, it might be worth it to forgive. It's all of our first time in this life on this planet living the complexities of every day. There's no rulebook and people make mistakes. Give yourself and others grace.

Life is so short.

I've also been pondering a little these days on whether or not forgiving someone makes the forgiver a good person. It might all be circumstantial but I really do think that forgiveness is a human way of coping and maybe it's not exactly necessary but maybe it helps?

This also begs the question "does everything happen for a reason?" But we'll save that one for another time.

Full disclosure: I wrote this blog post about a year ago and am just now gathering the guts to post it now. It was really cool reading my writing back a year later. I am constantly growing! How amazing is that!