Guilt

Growing up in the Christian faith, I am no stranger to guilt.

This is a subject that varies per person and, in my opinion, has a lot of correlation with upbringing and childhood. There are an endless amount of reasons as to why people feel guilty and what triggers that guilt.

Living in New York forced me to reconcile with and address my guilt in ways that I wasn't prepared for. Every day I walk by homeless people on the subway and the streets. I'm faced with so many possibilities and opportunities each day. The butterfly effect haunts me (this sentence feels poetic).

The fast paced lifestyle of the city and our generation in general (ie. social media) makes me feel like I need to be taking advantage of every little thing. The free pop ups, the one of a kind restaurants, the culture, the limited Broadway show engagements, the people we've yet to meet, the architecture - I want to see it all!

I feel guilty when I don't audition multiple times a week and work out and make plans with friends and get a full 8 hours and meal prep and journal and the list goes on and on.

I fear that sometimes I'm not taking advantage of my life. I fear a lot of things. Maybe guilt is a little bit of fear? Maybe it's fear that has been instilled inside of us because of someone or something or an experience or an institution or society??? Just a thought.

How do we take guilt and acknowledge it while also maybe recognizing that it's holding us back from living our life in the present.

I'm currently reading the book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer which might be a good read for you too if you resonate with any of the above and are Christian :)